With help I packaged up many thoughts from my conscious mind and stored them in a safe place where I can choose to look at when I want. The deal is; they stay there as a complete memory; anger, unhappiness, feelings of sadness, self loathing as I could not help – to name a few, so I could move on; and remember them when I want on my terms. I was scared to just dump them as I felt it disrespectful. They are my history, they have forged a different part of me, which, like it or not, is now well embedded within me.
I have after two months of putting these thoughts aside successfully I have visited them once – just now. Why, I have no idea. I was able to remember things, replay the two separate events, see my self at the scenes – still disliking my responses of the time. I replayed the encounters with the irrational people I have the misfortune to work with and don’t feel my blood rising.
They are now back in storage and happy for being remembered and glad not to have been forgotten.
It has in someways been like rereading a paragraph of a book that I thoroughly enjoyed the first time and had great expectations of reliving my enjoyment again only to find it an anticlimax. Strange – I feel really good about that. I never thought an anticlimax could be enjoyable or even beneficial.
I am not very good at remembering birthdays and anniversaries so to ensure I do pay my respect to all people I know, whether here with me or departed I have for many years used Remembrance Sunday in November as my key date for recon-pence. That day is a ‘collective humanity day’ – for me at least.