Renewing a PIP is not for the faint heart-ted; for someone with mental health issues of PTSD, Anxiety, ERD it is a stressful process that has caused near breakdown with withdrawal from life in general and a hinted desire to end it all.
Moving house from one which was overcrowded, but had everything in its correct place, was tidy, warm and homely, to a place that was, decoration wise, bad to poor, where there was no place to put anything away, with bare floors and stairs was a step to far.
Not that it’s potential was unseen, just the background issue exasperated the situation.
Agoraphobia crept in to a point where the youngest member of the family spent a disproportionate time in a high chair in front of the television while the mother hid her self away and would not leave the house.
I might be impartial but the young member is bright, alert, happy, caring for those around him and greatly enjoys the company of others. Play School is not an option as going out only to be judged by EVERYONE for EVERYTHING was not a viable proposition. If something can go wrong it will go wrong and will be four or five times the magnitude of the EVERY-OTHER persons problems and will cause more withdrawal from life and more pressure.
It’s not only the sufferer who suffers, or the infant, but partners. No matter what the father said he was wrong, got scolded, got chastised, got pushed away and not wanted. It’s sad, very sad.
The PIP form is ‘one form’ fits all, and while to those who wrote it with clarity and brevity in mind miss the bloody point. I am not sure whether the form is designed to be intimidating, but that is what it is.
Not surprisingly EMDR was a new thing to me. So I instinctively researched the topic. Like it said in the material: the actual reason it works is not fully understood but it does.
The link above is to a US site; it describes a clear procedure to follow in a numbered section. With hindsight I was taken through the process.
My sessions were conducted using headphones and a regular click alternating between my ears to achieve by-lateral stimulation.
The premise is: there are unsaved memories stored within the mind that have not been fully assimilated to become a fully reconciled memories. These un-reconciled memories are in an unconscious state but never the less feed and disrupt other mental activities, which manifest in different ways, for different people at various times with different trigger moments. Needless to say the outcome is usually negative.
While this ‘left click, right click, left click’ continues I was to be engaged with questions to consider answers for which, for unknown reasons, unpacks the un-reconciled memory and gracefully slides all the anguish and hurt into new homes within the mind in an organised and non-anguished way.
So in my terms, it is de-fragmenting my mind to remove the harmful information by neutralising it.
The form was sent off and shortly after a meeting arranged. Child care was arranged, transport for the return trip arranged. On the day the car broke down.
Telephone calls made and apologise made but underlying this was a feeling of failure but not of her making.
A second interview was arranged, but no transport could be provided by friends and family. At the destination station only stairs existed and when a stranger was asked about disabled access the stranger was rude and very disparaging towards her. Rather than help she left a mother and child in distress.
I have witnessed melts down of this young lady and I am very impressed how she coped.
Telephone calls were made and proof of train tickets had to be provided to satisfy the agency.
We are now waiting for the next visit to take place.
Yesterday I had a message from a family member who was in distress; a close friend, who we also knew, had committed suicide by hanging. This is the second close friend to be lost in 36 months. The first, due to an overdose of drugs but at the moment it is unclear what the true motivation was.
My family member took the first death very badly as their friendship had been strong and the circumstances of the overdose were very sad. I don’t want to write more for fear of identifying anyone.
When I was a part of someone else’s suicide I did a lot of sole searching as to why that person had that as the only option. Had they sort help? Why had it not worked? Who was in their life and did they know? Had they been rebuked? Who had they left behind? Why could they not speak to anyone? I could continue but I have no greater insight.
Some people think it is a selfish act on the part of the victim, having been through PTSD I think not. Anxiety always lived just under surface of my thoughts in a shady place, sometimes in my consciousness but mostly not. When a trigger event happened expressive anxiety kicked in and rational thought, for me anyway, just did not exist. My thoughts would take place at rocket speed and just be bounced around in my mind introducing stray thoughts into the balance and there was no external stimulus could penetrate my gruff exterior. Lasting seconds only, but feeling much longer until rationality, followed by remorse and conciliation happened.
For some, suicide is a logical solution to a problem where they see no end to negative external stimulus.