Everything was in place for the post Christmas visit to us so an animated telephone call saying the visit would not happen if our son would not unblock her phone was a surprise.
She was insistent that no phone contact means she will not allow the visit to take place. Being able to contact him while he had the children is not unreasonable.
We made several telephone calls to both parties and agreed that he would unblock her calls for the duration of the visit and the children were with him.
It transpires that she had called him about 15 times on the trot and was abusive in all of them. Don’t know what about but not worried.
She mentioned that our son had not seen his children for 10 days. Which is wrong by the information we have.
During the call to us she declared that she knows she had pushed him to far and was very sorry and felt it was wrong.
Our son said he was really not prepared to take any more abuse and it was not his intention to permanently block her as there are valid reasons to stay accessible.
The next day the visit did not start well, but we don’t know why.
It’s strange … I have written a lot describing the circumstances and plight of the two families in my daily life and not really considered my feelings and attitudes to what is happening. Well, now is the time to unload …
It does effect me. It is not a position I thought I would ever be in. I thought I would be Mr Average and match the statistics: married, 2.4 children, a pet. Blah blah blah.
I do match that description but the problems we have encountered with children are beyond my expectations. I say that as if I had considered the process and made a conscious decision and accepted the risk. No. I had no idea and I don’t think there were any real pointers out there for me to see that would have informed my decisions.
I now appreciate the significance of the saying ‘Children don’t come with a manual’: Not even a go warily. Even looking at those people around me in the formative years of parenthood did not signify real problems. Yes as time progressed sleepless nights, house smelling of nappy contents and the rooms littered with hiding Lego blocks just waiting for nightfall and bear feet did not alert me.
On the humorous side there are Lady Bird books for mum’s and dad’s now. But all in lovely drawn sweet colours and to be taken with a humorous pinch of salt.
My vision of were I am now is simple: In the wrong place! No complaints. I am not disappointed as my mantra has always been ‘don’t look back at unfulfilled wishes’
Looking at the age range the early school years were fun. Seeing growth and personality traits was interesting.
Independence and free spirited youth and the teenagers years were littered with trials and errors made by them. We have supported them all the time. We have never said ‘told you so…’ and we have never cast judgement but let them know our thoughts.
Perhaps the biggest problem is the open and unimpeded accesses to people’s unknown. Starting to loose influence here!
Young adults does mean treating them respect and certainly not creating mini-mes’.
We have had many exploratory conversation so they have understood where we stand on things and have witnessed many learning events they took themselves but never battered them at what they inwardly knew and accept were wrong decisions.
I have only stopped one lad from doing two things and both while in his 20’s. Using his mobile while in the bath while having it plugged into the mains to charge, and overloading his estate car with fence panels etc. to deliver them to me before starting a 200 mile car journey after. His car is his livelihood and I considered the benefit to me was outweighed by keeping him on the road.
All in all I am not where I though I would be, but I am also not sure where that is either.
I am a stickler for recording things, call it obsessional!
I mentioned to our son that he should write the facts down as he remembers them now, as they fade and get contaminated by other memories
If the children arrive at play school with bruises or cuts questions will be asked.
We know exactly how his ex-partner portrays events and will tell miss-truths to anyone who she needs to tell, and I feel he would be named as the culprit for hurting his children to shift the blame.
I am not sure whether I have written this before but in my opinion she could get an innocent man hung.
The decorations are up, the food brought and cats asleep. Arrangements have been made to visit the old family home and start Christmas Day in an amicable way – children, presents, mince pies. 🙂
Christmas Eve our son was told that his ex-partners’ father was coming around on Christmas morning and she did not want to rush him away so he could not come around.
So Christmas Day was cancelled at short notice so my son did Not see his children as her father had preferential claim to see them.
We were told that our son had cancelled the day because he wanted to spend Christmas Day with his new partner.
So, Christmas Day for our son and his children was morphed into Boxing Day.
A little later the duration of his absence was used against him to berate him for not coming around over Christmas to see his children.
In my opinion that’s what we are dealing with: Vindictive actions dished up with sweetness and mistruth.