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Thinking back over the last month

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It’s only been five days since I was told I did not have cancer and the more I think about life now the more I appreciate how that threat had an impact on my life and was a burden.

I don’t want to sound dramatic and over state my view when I write this, as I feel I must remember the 4 in 10 men who have been through the same range of feelings as I have but with a different outcome. Although I have not got cancer I am now one of the 1 in 10 who may still be diagnosed with prostrate cancer in the future.

At the end of the three month or so process, from initial concern to conclusion my work for my employer slowly ground to a trickle where the easiest of task were enormous. I could not focus or pay attention and had lost the biting interest in work that I have always had. I worked on small snippets of work at home and did the same when there.

My thoughts consistently revolved around the other significant problems I have. The priority was my family problems then University work. The family problems are well documented here, but had to be serviced (and still doing so) the whole time. The Uni work had to be a real low priority where I did things but did not worry about the quality, in fact it was used as a diversion away from everyday affairs.

I appreciate all the people around me at work more than I can thank them form: for how they still included me as team member when I was there. It relieved the silly pressure of me being embarrassed around them as I knew I was underperforming.

My line manager was always kind, always had time for me and never worried me with the concerns he had due to being short staffed. I owe him a dept of gratitude that over time I will repay.

My family have been good and we have just got on with everything as it comes. My better half has worked her socks off supporting all the family with everything that is needed and one day normality will resume.

For anyone who is involved with prostrate cancer please think board and keep a check on reality. I was lucky and I would be writing differently if my news had been negative.


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