Today has been the saddest day of my life. Not for the reason of waiting for it to be confirmed that I have Prostrate Cancer, but due to the fact that our route to becoming our grandson’s Special Guardian may well blocked due to the condition I am nearly in.

My partner and I have attended a good number of meetings with the social services, completed forms, organised people to provide references, had informal chats and official interviews that have spanned several months. These are ongoing and we both have more formal interviews.

We fully accept the process and have fitted in everything around looking after our grandson, being with his parents on a daily basis and working.

Today it was confirmed that the social worker had recommended that a court case was the solution to deciding whether they could have their son back and what next must be done.

I put it that way as the ‘next’ was to be us becoming special guardians but since starting the process I have blood tests that showed the possibility of having Prostrate Cancer. I have had internal inspections, MRI scan revealing three shadows on the gland and yesterday at a pre-operation assessment given next Monday (three days time) as the date for the biopsy.

Yes, it could be fine if cancer is not present, but the fear of loosing our grandson looms heavily as it is a very heavy a price to pay for something we are not responsible for.

In bed at past midnight and crying aloud brought me to think, write it down. Set the perspective.

I cannot see an enjoyable life without our grandson in it. If he leaves this family we have lost him until he is 18 years old. 15 Birthdays, 15 Christmases, first day at school, first crush, the list goes on.

That is not considering his attitude to his parents or us for not being with him during those precious growing years. He may not want to make contact.

His parents are remorseful about the situation and have done great things to redress the situation and at present are both in shock, both tearful and both cannot comprehend life with no child.

I cannot see the logic of separating him from his family, where he is truly loved, where the situation can be repaired with effort and time. We are his second line of defence and having Cancer is not a threat to him or any relationship he has with us. Being blunt, I think having someone (me) in his life for say two years is better than living with foster parents or new parents.