just me and cross

Home » MY MENTAL HEALTH » Is it wrong to get cross?

Is it wrong to get cross?


I’ll start at the end: No. Now I’ll qualify that.


Cross: angry and annoyed; ill-humoured; snappish.

Happy: delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing.

Aggression: Psychiatry. overt or suppressed hostility, either innate or resulting from continued frustration and directed outward or against oneself.

Frustration: a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

dictionary.com accessed 07/03/2016


I believe being cross or happy are just part of a straight line continuum, cross being near one end, say the left hand end, and happy being near the other end, say the right hand end. Normal being somewhere in the middle.  I expect that during any day we float between these two markers and don’t see any danger, neither getting cross or happy.

Apply pressure, negative or positive, and we may go past these markers and start to experience noticeable differences to our responses. Again these responses may be negative or positive. Looking past ‘cross’ we may get verbal aggression and subsequently physical aggression and looking past ‘happiness’ we may get excitement and ecstatic feelings.

I should add this is only my take on this subject and my response, and is not based upon rigorous science, but on what I think when I take a detached view on where I am now and what has caused me grief over the last six or so months. But as personal reflection is such a good tool I am finding mental gremlins in my past that have waited until now to surface. … I am really working hard at this reflection stuff and shifting my thoughts about does cause me pain.

Our propensity to do either, be cross or happy is, I would assume, based upon the baggage of life we are carrying and our state of mind at that precise moment of interaction. If we don’t resolve the feeling of crossness or happiness at the first attempt the emotion is just rolled forward to adds to the dilemma.

For me, when we engage in a discussion we all start ‘normal’ and as equals – both having something to contribute. Both possess different life experiences, facts, and supporting information, which may or may not generate personal preferences. Perhaps with more people involved more facts or knowledge are known and it could contribute more to the solution – this is good and creates situations where people learn through osmosis.

I feel getting cross is just an expression of super-sensitive feelings towards something; where I have actually run out of words to say and I feel I still have not been allowed to get my point across frustration builds and can trigger into verbal aggression directed at the person who is not listening. In my eyes the situation is still unresolved and it needs to be completed. It is not about winning, it’s about being listened to with respect and decorum while resolving a problem.

You might think I am just a sore loser, but I am not. I have learned how to enlist help from others, how to construct a case and present facts, build a defence and assess whether personal preferences are valid for inclusion and until recently what arguments to actually pick.

The point is the frustration stays with me as I have to live with the results of an inconclusive debate which often means doing a job badly as that is deemed appropriate.

I have concluded my verbal aggression is really frustration in a super-sensitive state; that manifests itself as a flash point when I have to decide whether I should fight or flee: it’s my flight. I can do no more and I now accept that. But it lingers within me as suppressed verbal hostility playing with my mind, which I know is not necessarily wrong, but detrimental to me and it keeps building and building while I am consistently being pressured, which I resisted, by irrational people who have no compassion.

As a footnote: it has taken a day or two to type this blog, in which time a good working colleague has tendered his notice and left with almost immediate effect. He had been forced to sign documents confirming he approved work which in his professional capacity he considered to be sub-standard. A sorry state of affairs in a professional organisation.

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