I am not sure about this, and whether this is a natural part of recover, but I spend an incredible amount of time just thinking about my state of mind while I am doing things. I am balancing everyday occurrences for what impact they are having on me and whether I think they are right or wrong based upon the events of the last six months and a fragile mind of the moment. The thoughts and the process could just be what I did think about but was not really aware of them or their significance. My mind is doing overtime!
There have been occurrences at work where I have become very churned-up inside because someone has spoken badly to someone else, or where irrational logic, based upon ignorance or bravado is being applied and therefore the answer can only be wrong or misleading. This discredits people and causes their future conversations with people to be not trusted before they even open their mouths.
This churned-up feeling starts by me stopping listening to details of the conversation and trying to separate fact from fiction or personal preferences of one party or the other. I create my own response based upon the facts I have heard and my understanding and I get a build-up of rhetoric that wants to burst out; I then have to subdue this emotion as my aim is not to get involved. It’s difficult as I know I want to keep out.
I have been lucky, I believe the manifestation of my problems is only mild and I fear what could have been and must maintain this level of ‘normality’ and not allow anxiety to do its ugly work.