At the appointed time the phone rang and I was asked whether I was expecting the call. I was relaxed as this was now coming to the end of my fourth week at home, so had been able to keep away from the ignition of my problem that caused me concern.
I pointed this out as it had an impact on the scoring I had made on the standard questionnaire I had completed. I don’t compare the result myself as I, well, just as …
During the conversation I was asked about my feelings and yes I did feel better and looked back at this time as convalescing and I mentioned I had not really valued the benefit of convalescing before but it had had a recognisable benefit for me. Time to think, time to judge, time to plan and all with out the pressure of work and trying to avoid people of pressure.
We talked in general terms and while talking I expressed my real concern with having to let go of my feeling towards the people in the accidents. I dont have graphic flashbacks that stop me in my tracks or need working through at the time before I can move on, but I do have very vivid memories of the situation that I roll forward and backwards while quesioning what happened. I also have generated new images in my mind which are from different positions of the accidents that I was not physically in, but I need to see. I still don’t want to forget them but I need to move on. I am scared to just close the door on them, the events I am happy to forget but the people no.
I said I was surprised how the treatment so far had gone in as much as I had been told to expect one-to-one sessions and was told that is the next stage of the CBT action plan. I was now sixth on the list and these telephone calls were just a way of monitoring events. A date could not be given yet but soon was as close as she could get.
So I move on.