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A friend, a chat

On this occasion time was not pressing so we just I talked and talked. He did know I had been treated for PTSD and I talked about the process of EMDR and without any warning I found my self fighting back tears and not really able to continue the conversation.

I had revisited my past and those memories of the train accident returned at full blast, just full unabated blast. That shocked me greatly. I did not know where it came from and I said that I had thought I had a learnt to manage those feelings and was able to revisit the accident and walk calmly through the scene and accept I could do no more – but how wrong I was.

It was several week ago now and I think of that event with mixed emotions. I was shocked that the memory was still so vividly and emotional for me. Then, how innocent the trigger was.

Reflecting on that, I was pleased that my fear of forgetting the event had not taken place as I felt I would be disrespectful to those who were hurt in the train crash.

28 Years ago today!

It seems rather fitting to return to writing today as it’s the anniversary of the train accident I was in. I had not planned this; it just came to me ten minutes ago.

I will backtrack in the near future as I was advised to stop writing at the start of my treatment which started nearly a year ago.

The ‘now’ is good, very good. Today I have remembered and unlike the 27 previous years do not feel guilty, I have no anguish and no tears.

The strange thing is and will always be I was surprised that an event so long ago was the seat of my PTSD.

I don’t know who will read this or my previous writings but if you are suffering please get help.

More very shortly …

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