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Court day! Having thought it was several months away, a surprise letter drew the court case to today.
The journey time was about 40 minutes, an easy journey. We normally chat about anything really, but today nothing was uttered from the start of the journey until we parked up.
I felt tears welling while I drove. I cannot comprehend a life without my grandson. It still upsets me the moment I think he will be gone.
We all needed a comfort break and found somewhere nearby. Sitting to partly drink coffee and partly to pass the time we chatted and it soon turned to my grandson, their child, and his antics of yesterday in the garden – filling the paddling pool with the hose while our dog ran a-mock chasing the shower of water droplets. It was fun, he is fun.
I became sad as when we left I thought our relationship while talking was really a wake!
We have cried together, we have laid awake and talked at three and four o’clock in the morning. We just don’t know what to do. We have two sons in difficult relationships.
We do not think we have been bad parents: there are always things that could be done differently, but nothing major.
It might sound harsh, and I want to say we fully support our sons, their partners and their children, but it is the two young ladies who have both had very difficult and different upbringings that are a cause for concern.
We can only support all of them, and not interfere. They are our family!
My time came to an end. I became aware that all the talking I had needed to do had been done, and talking anymore, and being helped, would not add to my level of understanding. I felt comfortable with my situation.
All the unpacking of stuck and un-reconciled thoughts had been sufficiently unpacked and restored suitable. Any more talking or EMDR would not expand my knowledge or understanding of the events or sooth my feelings and emotions more.
We did a round up and a summary flowed. It’s okay to remember and not feel upset or guilty. It’s okay to have sad memories but they should not drag me down or be allowed to act as fuse to ignite emotions.
My inherent desire to help should be limited in expectations to what I can reasonable do, and I should not feel guilty about not doing enough!
This end was, even now, unexpected on my part. I sat down for a session and I concluded I felt things had run there course. I had spoken enough, listened enough and cried enough. It no longer gripped me on recall. I was happy to recall and be in that past moment again but with a subdued emotional feeling.