just me and cross

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Happiness quotient exceeded!

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The only time I am really happy is when I am with him playing.  Other than that I want to withdraw from life.

I have a lot on my mind at the moment is an understatement. Slowly I am having to open up to a wide audience and explain the situation I am in and I am getting more supportive feelings from friends than I thought.

It is not necessarily from the words but from their hidden understanding they seem to exude: their eyes, their body posture, the fact they don’t know what to say and therefore don’t blurt things out just for the sake of it. Family feel obliged to say things.

I don’t want to be told it’s alright, it will not turnout that bad, or Mr Smith had that and he is ok. I don’t care; what is common between us I have no idea.

I am borrowed time!

My Cancer may or may not be a major problem. Loosing my grandson is more life changing to me, from which there is no recovery.

I want to go back to February 2019 and put things right. Even that is not really early enough, but … I now want to be alone in a crowd and not bothered by anyone.


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