I acknowledge I was not hypnotised during the first session and was happy with the feeling of knowing more about me. Again I went with anticipation of not being troubled where the questioning would take me as I felt safe. I knew there was a chance of more crying but that did not phase me as it was a release I had not allowed myself to explore. The crying was not the release it was the inquiring questions and reconciling them with cogent answers that was the release and good. I was given no cause not to be open and honest.

Questions were asked around what good would come from holding onto punishing myself. There is no good, but I must not let go otherwise I have failed those people again. I don’t know them but they are a part of me. They are not close friends or even acquaintances but they have still an active part in my mind. I don’t know their families, I don’t know their particular circumstances and I really don’t know how many they number; BUT they are still a part of me and my history.

It is the case that I could sit down with them now without feeling awkward or embarrassed. I would not judge them, I would not think ill of them and would understand if they did either of these things to me.

It was considered I have a strong biblical attitude towards self-punishment. Not sure whether that is good or bad.

I was asked to manage these feeling by finding somewhere I could keep these memories, as I am not prepared to forget them. I can visit them whenever I choose and get upset if I want, but on my terms. I do not want to share anymore of that as I am still scared of forgetting them entirely which will rock me.  I am scared that time will trick me into forgetting and I will become uncaring about helping people where I can.

It was pointed out that any help I give is good and I should not expect any more than good.

I was starting to think I could let go after all and not suffer any repercussions inflicted on me be me. Help is good, help is needed but it does have boundaries.  I don’t work where people are exposed every day to traumas, so I can afford to protect myself from these feelings for the need to punish myself.

I explained I had a plan set in my minds eye on how to cope with the near to middling future and I was happy to ‘park those feeling’ in a safe, secure and private place and revisit them when I want.